i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
