I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
