woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
