If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
