i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
