I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize