I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
