I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
