i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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