How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
COCAINE IS GR8
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
