Banned from zoo.
Again?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
