i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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