We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
