here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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