the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize