Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
