i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
