This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize