On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
