Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a search helicopter?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
