zippers are such a cool invention
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
