everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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