wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found puke in my bra..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
