3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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