Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
