What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have fence marks all over my body
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
