I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
