I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
