I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
