My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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