mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
