I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
