nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
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