After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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