Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize