you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
