He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
