I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
