he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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