apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
