I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
