How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
did you just send me my own nude
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
