im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
