How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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