last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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