You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
