after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
