I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the day after is always just damage control
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
