Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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