Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize