i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
