I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
