he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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