Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
