I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
