Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
