Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You can't just leave with hair like that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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