Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Its about making memories worth repressing
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
