For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will pee on everything he values.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
