I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
