if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
