I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
