yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
