so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
