That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
