I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
