ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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