I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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