My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
