Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
